it was the darkness that got to me the most. In daylight, you could read people’s faces, see what they are thinking, but at night, everything was silent.
The silence, a torture in a man’s mind that doesn’t end. No right or wrong, just silence. A pin dropping, a thought, even a dream hurt like hell. The silence brought pain, and the darkness amplified it.
I am in pain now, standing in a room with them. The darkness doesn’t allow me to count the numbers of them. How many are standing next to me, waiting to kill me? Nobody knows. How do they know I won’t take them down first? I don’t even know that.
It wasn’t always dark. I remember when I was but a child, the sun shone brightly, heating up this God forsaken world, making everything beautiful. Take away the sun, take away the heat, and you are left with a damp, dingy world where it is kill or be killed.
Maybe I am better off dead, like the rest of the people I cared about and who cared about me. Now it is just me. Me against the world, fighting for a clean breath of air or a bite to eat. They fight too, swinging blindly in the darkness, hoping to hit something that is still breathing. That’s how they eat. They don’t even wait for the bodies to go cold, once the knife strikes, they devour whatever is in front of them. I’ve been lucky so far.
Luck? Is that what they are calling this life? Is this even a life? What makes me want to continue is beyond me. What makes me swing my blade? What makes me eat? What makes me want to continue?
Maybe it is the hope that someday the sun will shine once again. Maybe someone out there, someone smarter than I am, someone with the means to repair this world from what our greed has done to it will find a way to unblock the sun. Maybe things can return to what they once were.
Maybe that someone will convince others not to be so greedy. Maybe he will teach the world of the dangers that power brings. Maybe, just maybe. But not now. Right now I have to leave this dark place and search for light. Even a tiny flicker of light would be better than this. I will continue on until I cannot gasp even a breath of the filthy air I am trying to inhale.
As I move slowly to the right, my shoulder touches something. It is warm and soft to the touch. I move my hands up and I find soft, silky hair. I move my hand across a face. It is warm to touch and even in the silence, I can ‘hear’ it breathe. I attempt to communicate, fully knowing that by uttering even a word, it will alert the hungry ones to my location. I let out a soft ‘hi’, and it returns my words with a soft ‘hi’, a womanly voice that sets my heart beating. Could there be another who is trying to survive as I am? Could I find someone and not be alone in this struggle to survive?
And then I feel it. The coldness of the blade as it slices my neck. The cut was not perfect, if it was I would cease to exist. I feel hot breath on my skin as it feeds from what is left of me. And then it is over. I see a light. Finally, a light. The light is bright and beckons me to follow. I am happy to follow, and get out of this treacherous place that I have considered life.
I follow the light and I am led to a room where the light is bright and warm. There are others here as well. I see my father and mother. They are young, but I recognize them. They don’t have the cuts. I remember watching them go, as the intruders with the soldier suits on ended their lives with but a slash from a sharp sword. Now they are here. They rush to see me, to hold me. Now I understand. I am finished with the darkness. I am with the light. I am happy.