Went berry picking the other day. It was just me and thousands of raspberry stalks, all thorny and stabby. The place was dead quiet when suddenly I heard chatter from at least a few people.
“Oh NO!” I thought, “My berry picking patch is ruined. a crowd will stomp down all the bushes, causing the ripe berries to fall to the ground.”
I headed towards the voices, only to discover they were both coming from the same person, a very old man, chattering loudly to himself. I went over to talk to him.
“Anyone else picking berries besides me and you?” I asked.
“Nope” he replied, and went on talking to himself.
“Um, Sir, who are you talking to?” I asked, almost afraid of his answer.
“Nobody” he said.
Just when I was about to high tail it out of the area, in fears the guy was insane, he went on to say:
“I ain’t talking to nobody. There’s nobody here but you and me. When I am alone, I talk loudly so if there is a bear around, he will think someone else is here and maybe chase them. I figure I have a 50% chance he will go after the other guy.”
I guess he did have some logic, albeit a bit insane.
“Gangway!’ he yelled, as he ran past me.
I began running as well. “Who we running from?” I asked.
“The bear” he said, “he is coming behind us!”
“So” I said smartassedly, “You logic didn’t work. The bear didn’t chase the other guy, he chased you!” I said.
“Nope, my logic makes perfect sense. The bear IS chasing the other guy, which happens to be you!” He said this as he ran to the left, leaving the bear hot on my heels.
I got out ok that day, but I learned a valuable lesson. Never try to figure out logic, and never interupt people who talk to themselves.