Month: September 2010

Forty Seven

There is something about turning 47 that bothers the hell out of me…and that is that I can no longer refer to myself as a guy in his mid forties! In fact, people choose to refer to forty seven year olds as ‘almost 50’. Now that’s something..almost 50. Trouble is, I don’t feel that much different than I did when I was in my mid-forties.

Society is especially cruel to those ‘almost 50’. Just last year, my health insurance doubled, they said it was because I fell out of the 18-45 year old bracket, and right into the 46-65 year old bracket, and a potential health risk. Wow, that hurt! So now, I am even more a health risk, having just turned 47!

While on paper, I must seem old, I can still keep up with the best of them. Sure,  I enjoy my late mornings, sleeping as late as 8 am, even on weekends, but at 47, I still manage to walk a few km’s each day, and I am reasonably active (for a guy who is ‘almost 50 that is!),and  despite my age, I still have my hair (it’s turned grey, but nobody needs to know that as long as I buy my monthly supply of Just for Men)

There are several things a person can do to avoid falling from the ‘late 40’s’ group and into the ‘almost 50’ crowd, and I will try to do these things on a daily basis. Here is the list, in no particular order:

  1. Avoid engaging in conversations with other 47 yr olds when the topic is the number of bowel movements you may have had in the last day.
  2. Avoid meeting up with your older friends to chat in shopping malls.
  3. Avoid spending Sunday afternoon at the mall, hogging the benches outside the drug stores
  4. Avoid spending most of your days at doctors’ offices
  5. Do not allow yourself to be seen purchasing any of the following products, even if they are for an older friend: Depends Undergarments, Geritol, A535, Minard’s Liniment, etc.
  6. Have patience when in the presence of teenagers. Do not be mistaken for ‘that grumpy old man’
  7. Avoid telling your kids or relatives about what life was like when you were their age. They will think you grew up with cavemen!
  8. Try to make it a habit of staying up later than 10:00 pm
  9. Never, under any circumstances do you wear black socks, especially in sandals!
  10. Make sure your pants are not pulled up under your armpits…sure sign of an old person…someone almost 50!