don’t throw away that old appliance…

Don’t throw away that old shower head or the old ceiling fan that started giving you trouble, call the manufacturer and you will be amazed at how quickly they want to help you out.

A while ago, my lady and I purchased a Danze Shower Kit, which included the shower head, and the faucet kit. We paid a fair amount for the thing, I think it was about $110 for the entire unit. We bought it from Canadian Tire. I wanted to keep the box it came in, but my lady found it and threw it out. She figured that a shower head and faucet kit should live forever. She was wrong.

The damn tap began dripping last fall; the thing nearly drove me nuts. Drip Drip Drip, the thing seemed to get louder at night, when I tried to sleep. I tried tightening the handle, no avail. I tried shutting the bathroom door, but somehow I still knew it was leaking. When we couldn’t take it any longer, we decided to buy another one and replace it.

We went to our local Canadian Tire store with the intention  of a new purchase, but when I sparked a conversation with one of the service reps, I mentioned that our tap was leaking. Right away, he asked whether it was a Danze model. When I verified that it was, he called the manufacturer, and was told that there is a shower cartridge that plugs when used with ‘hard water’, which we have here. The company agreed to send us a new unit, despite not having the sales receipt or the box. The rep said that the unit has a lifetime warranty, and anytime it is not working satisfactorily, we should call the company. In two days we received an express post package with the new unit. A few minutes with a wrench and presto, a non-leaking faucet and a great night’s sleep. Who knew?

Just the other day, our ceiling fan went on the blink. Again, we paid a fair amount for the thing, which was one of those ‘hugger’ models that sit on the ceiling. This one even had a remote control that allowed you to dim the lights, or choose from three fan speeds. The thing started acting up by automatically dimming the lights or even shutting off after a few minutes of use, which got pretty much annoying.

Yesterday I spent about two hours taking the thing down, checking the wires, replacing marettes, taping wires and checking voltages, before reassembling the thing and trying it. Same thing.  I was ready to chuck the thing when my brother dropped by. “Its the little black box inside the unit. It shorts out and dims the light for no reason. I had the same problem. Google it and see!” he said.

I did it. I found an article where someone else had the same problem. I found an 1-800 number, called and explained my problem. When the rep asked if I had my receipt, I told her no. My lady again. “Who would expect a fan to give out?” she doesn’t learn!

The rep said that the unit had a small black box that limited voltage, and  that it breaks often. She said that it was too bad that I didn’t have my sales receipt, because I would have to pay for the part. I was thinking, I paid $99 for the unit,  how much could a little black box cost. She said it was 298. I was outraged. I said  “$298? The entire fan only cost a hundred bucks. She laughed. “Not two hundred and ninety eight, two dollars and ninety eight cents”

I started laughing. “Send the thing, I rather pay $2.98 than another hundred or more bucks”. It should arrive in a few days.

Now I think I will go out to the garage and dig out that old Simoniz Pressure Washer. The thing has been on the blink for quite some time. All I have to do is find the phone number to the manufacturer and see what happens from there.

 

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Random stuff about our dogs

My buddy is a sex maniac! He brags that he and his missus enjoy ‘Doggie Style’. This makes me wonder, when dogs get kinky, do they do it ‘human  style’?

My buddy said that is German Sheppard was way too wild. He went on to say that after the dog was neutered, he calmed down…do you think? They cut his balls off! He had nothing left to live for! Talk  about losing your spirit!

With three dogs, food can be costly. Yesterday we were at Walmart, and decided to look at maybe feeding our dogs food that doesn’t come from the vet. That stuff is triple the cost of Walmart food. My lady says “They won’t eat anything but the best food”. I say “They eat shit in the backyard. How good does this stuff have to be?”

We found a bag of food that only contained vegetables. When was the last time you seen a dog with a cucumber in his mouth? They like bones!

We found brand of dog food that claimed to be even tastier than the previous product. Do they have people who taste dog food and then rate the taste? We settled on Lamb and Rice dog food. It is supposed to be very healthy for dogs because it only contains ingredients that dogs love. When was the last time you seen a dog sitting in a Chinese restaurant ordering Fried Rice?

Our oldest dog came home reeking. He must have gotten into something horribly stinky. My lady suggests that I bath him. Now he smells great and I stink. He gets to cuddle with her in the bed, I sleep on the chair…on a dog blanket. Something wrong there!

With three dogs (and a cat) sharing our home, things can get nasty. This morning, our newest pup (four month old Sheltie Marley) noticed that one of my hearing aids ($2300 a piece) had fallen off the dresser and found its way under the bed. She grabs the thing and runs into the backyard. I noticed something pink and dangling from her mouth while she was taking a crap, but figured it was only a pine cone or a tree branch. Two hours later I discover one of my hearing aids missing. Two hours (spent crawling on my hands and knees in the backyard, turning over every stone and searching within blades of grass) later, and I find my hearing aid, buried in her favorite hiding place. Luckily it remained unscathed and in one piece.

Speaking of the cat, Marley’s favorite pass time is chewing on the cat’s ears. The cat is REAL patient. Speaking of patient, she also enjoys walking behind the oldest dog Boots, with the poor dog’s tail in her mouth…like a little dog train. Oh well, I will miss her silliness once she ‘grows up’.

The middle dog, Halle, a three pound Pom, is coming back to herself. A few weeks back, she contracted a condition called Inflamed Pancreas. We almost lost her. Five days in a vet clinic with an unbelievably kind and very talented vet and we have our little pooch back home again. It was a close call, she vomited every fifteen minutes, and we were told that she could very well die from this ordeal.  The vet had her on IV and injections for all five days. The dog is doing great, but this week, we couldn’t afford to eat. Damn vet bills are unbelievable.

That’s all for now, thought I would share a few laughs from the world of dogs….the little furry friends who light up my day. Below are a few pics that show how hard our pets have it.

Stephen King’s latest novel: Joyland

After suffering through the Dan Brown’s Inferno, I was about ready to give up reading for awhile.That is, until I purchased Stephen King’s Joyland. A complete JOY to read!

The master of scary stories brings us something a little different this time. We are introduced into the world of Amusement Parks and the carnies who work there. The novel gives us a fascinating mixture of mystery, suspense, and tragedy. There is even romance thrown  into the pot. I truly enjoyed the read, and I would strongly recommend the book to anyone  who enjoys a great story. If I was to rate the book I would give it five out of five stars.

Trifextra Week 75: The Meal

Heads, fingers, knees and toes, she sang, as she added the ingredients to today’s supper. With the men folk out hunting all day, they would surely be hungry for Mom’s specialty: Cannibal Soup.

This dark little ditty is my entry into this weekend’s Trifextra Challenge. Hope it doesn’t creep anyone out too much…just a little.

Trifecta Week 84: Evidence

This time we got him. How wouldn’t we? We have his fingerprints; hell, we even have DNA! A quick trip to the lab and we have the son of a bitch.

33 innocent women lost  their lives to this maniac, but up until now, we had nothing. Torn clothing, brutal rape, stab wounds covering the entire lower extremities of their bodies, and his trademark, the right hand severed from the body. The pattern was clear, but he was always so smart. He covered his tracks well.

Constable Connor was an expert at forensics, so he wasn’t worried this time. This time the fucker wouldn’t slip through his fingers.

Connor paced across the tile floor of the lab, anxiously awaiting the results. God knows the family of Charlene Banting were anxious as well. Connor was on his tenth trip across the floor when the M.E. came in the room.

We have identified the fingerprints, as well as the DNA. They both belong to the same person. Connor grew excited at the news. That is, until Dr Hennesey explained further.

“Connor, I don’t think you’ll like what I have to say.”  he said.

“What could it be? We have him. We have his prints, I have no doubt that he is somewhere in our system, maniacs like him always are!” Connor said.

“Well, the prints don’t exactly belong to the person  you think. The prints and the DNA both belong to Charlene Banting. Our forensic team found something stuffed into the mouth of the victim. Apparently our murderer created ‘human skin gloves’ from the hand that he severed from Miss Banting. He literally used her own  skin  to kill her. Her DNA is everywhere.

“The sick bastard! He evolved into a far more  psychotic maniac than he was before! His methods may have been crude, but he is every bit the genius I figured he would be. Damn! We have nothing!” said Connor, almost sobbing his words. “I promised her parents we had the guy!”

This is my entry into this week’s Trifecta Challenge. The word is Crude.

things kids say part 2

I spent the first 40 years of my life without kids. Then came my lady. She had a 2 year old son from a previous relationship, and as our love grew, he became a son to me. The little guy is ten now, (going on eleven in August), and despite the fact that he is growing up, he never ceases to make me laugh from time to time.

Just yesterday I had a chuckle. I noticed an  odour from  the laundry room, and upon my investigation, I found a pair of my son’s underwear lying on the floor, soiled with poop. I confronted my son  on the issue, figuring that maybe he had an accident or failed to wipe properly (kids these days are so busy with chores…hahaha), and I laughed (silently) at his response.

“I didn’t do it, it must have been someone else” he said.

“Someone else crapped your pants and hid them here?” I asked.

“Must have, it surely wasn’t me, I am ten  going on eleven, eleven year old kids don’t crap their pants!” he warned.

“Why would  someone break into our house and crap your underwear?” I joked.

“Not sure, you know people!” he responded.

“Hey, maybe the cat did it! Can’t trust cats you know” he added.

I sent him upstairs to have a bath, explaining that maybe he just didn’t wipe himself well, and that he could be soiling his current  underwear as we spoke.

“I had a bath yesterday. I ain’t having one today. They say that too many baths will dry your skin!” he said.

What is he a dermatologist now? I wondered.

After his bath, he came clean (pun intended)

“I have to admit it, I watched as the cat crapped my underwear, but I found it so funny, I left her do it.” he lied.

“SURE!” I said, unbelieving!

This morning he was outside and he came limping towards the house. Well not really limping, actually dragging his leg  like it was made out  of wood. “I hurt my foot, I can hardly walk!” he said.

“How long was it hurt? When did you do it?” I asked.

“Oh it was sore for almost three months,  ever since June 21!” he said. Today was July 3. “Three months? Your foot was sore for three months, yet you played soccer, ran, rode your bike, and only now you tell me this?” I asked.

“Well, maybe not three months, but at least a week!” he said. Time sure changes once questioned!

I took one look  at his DC joggers (stupid brand name products where you pay more for the logo than for the actual product) and the entire rear section of the shoe is squat down. Apparently he had his shoes tied too tight, and rather than untie the thing, he forced his foot  in anyway. He injured his heel doing so.

“You will have to give your foot a time to heal, maybe stay home today and give your foot a chance to heal.” I said.

“What? Stay home with you and mom? How boring is that?” he said.

“Thanks, we really are boring, aren’t  we?” I said, sarcastically.

“Hey Ted, it’s not your fault, all old people are boring.” he said.

Kids really know how to make a guy feel good!

“But I still love you, even if you guys are old!” he said, almost reviving my ego.

Raising another man’s child certainly has its challenges, but I look  at the situation as his deadbeat father’s loss, and my gain. I love the little guy…even  if he sometimes causes my blood pressure to peak.

the most important ingredient

When I was a kid I used to spend most of my Sunday’s at my grandmothers. I used to watch her prepare meals for her family. My grandparents had eleven children, and even though they were all grown, each and every one of Gram and Grap’s children (and their children) used to come to my grandparent’s for supper.

Gram explained the basics of cooking, and although I wasn’t particularly interested at the time, I like to believe that some of her knowledge must have sunk in; I love cooking these days.

From the blood puddings she made when my grandfather slaughtered a cow, to the meat pies, salt beef, and baked chicken meals she prepared, she explained the entire process to me. She did the same for my dad, and he is perhaps the best cook ever.

She took my little hands and put them on the fresh bread dough she made, and the two of us kneaded the dough into the tastiest bread I ever ate. Her ‘special ingredient’, as she used to say, was Love.

Those days are long gone, so is my grandmother, but her ingredient of love still lives whenever I prepare a meal for my family.