My kid was excited to go to school today…(First time for everything I guess) Today is Sports Day. Some kids LOVE Sports Day..When I was a kid, I HATED Sports Day…a showcase of how much I sucked at various (if not all) sports. In fact, I hated Sports Day so much that even the mere mention of this horrendous day sent chills across my now not so skinny self.
My frustration began when most of my classmates received medals, each consisting of Bronze, Silver and Gold variants. I would have been so proud to have earned even a Silver medal, but no such luck. Every year, I received a Participaction pin. This was given to all kids, regardless of their level of sports suckiness. I had a collection of those damn pins for each of my middle school and even high school years. Lots of pins, but not one medal.
I remember my first year of high school. Throughout the summer, my legs actually grew. No longer was I the short skinny kid. Now I was the tall even skinnier kid. Despite this, I figured that this year would be different. I would be competing against shorter kids, who never had the fortune of possessing those long legs.
Trouble was, I was as shaky on those skinny legs as a one legged ostrich. Throughout the day, I managed to retain my record as the worst athlete in the school…and then finally, towards the end of the day, the one event where my long legs might actually prove beneficial arrived. The 100 meter dash.
All the kids lined up at the starting line. I was definitely the tallest kid. I looked around and sure enough, a crowd of shrimps, all envious of my long legs. The teacher shot off the pistol and we were off.
I ran like the wind, passing everyone. I had a lead throughout most of the race, and with the finish line in my sights, and NOBODY even close, I tripped over a dog.
That’s right, a dog. Some stray dog had crossed the playground just as I was about to cross the finish line and win not only my first medal, but a GOLD medal. I ran into the furry beast and my legs came out from under me. I landed on my head, the damn dog licking my face as if I was a long lost friend…and EVERYONE passed me. I just lay there, staring up into the heavens, cursing the damn dog who had now abandoned me, and left me to deal with yet another year of Sports Day defeat.
The Gym Teacher asked if I wanted to run the race again, but I declined. It just wasn’t in the stars for me to win a race; and then, to add to my disgrace, the teacher presented me with a Participaction pin.
Damn I hate Sports Day! I sure hope the dog catcher is on hand for my son’s Sports Day. Wouldn’t want him tripping over a dog…who does that anyway?