Tag: love

Friday Fictioneers: The Third Chair

Copyright-Melanie Greenwood
Copyright-Melanie Greenwood

The third wheel; they called her. Where ever Sally and Tom went, Suzie would follow. This may have been cool for Tom, who got to brag about the two luscious blondes who accompanied him, but it was no party for Sally.

It wasn’t that Sally didn’t want her sister around, but c’mon, on an evening where she expected Tom to propose to her? That’s just too much.

Still, when Sally arrived at the restaurant, there it was, a table and three chairs.

On that night, to Sally’s surprise, Tom popped the question to his one true love… Suzie.

This is my entry into this week’s Friday Fictioneers.

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A Close Shave

Last week, my 12 year old step son came to me to ask a favour. He wanted to learn to shave. Sure, there were a couple of hairs growing under his nose, but I didn’t think he was ready for this step into manhood. Maybe I couldn’t accept the fact that he is growing up.

As I stood there and explained the basics of shaving, I thought back to my childhood, and the times where I stood and watched my grandfather shave. He used a straight razor that was nothing short of a beast. The thing looked like it fell right out of a slasher movie. I remember how he drew the blade against a long piece of leather that hung from the edge of the table, and then proceeded to lather up a homemade brush that he made from horse hair; carefully swirling it in a cup that he swiped from Gram’s cupboard.

He took great care in covering ever inch of his lower face, until he closely resembled Santa Clause. Then, with the care of a surgeon, he proceeded to drag the sharp blade over his face, cutting every hair, and thankfully no flesh.

He had a little razor for me too. He fashioned the thing out of a piece of alder wood, whittling the handle so that it matched the one he used. The blade was attached with a small screw, and although the edge was not filed sharp, I thought it was. Standing next to my grandfather, the two of us shared in a special moment together.

When we finished, he took boiling water from the kettle and poured it into the heavily enameled basin, and using a face cloth, he proceeded to wipe his face clean. He cooled the water down to wash my face.

“There, now you are a man!” he said.

I explained to my son just how easy it is to shave nowadays. I gave him the basics of shaving, and began to shave my face. He watched me first and then imitated my actions. He was shocked at how sharp the razor blade was, and how smooth it made his face feel. I explained how today’s razors were so much safer than the ones my grandfather used, and even the one my father uses to this day.

When we finished, he wiped his hand under his nose. “Wow, smoother than a baby’s bum!” he said. Those were the same words I used while my grandfather and I shaved together.

“Welcome to manhood” I told him, and winked my eye.

The Guy’s Guide to Christmas Shopping

It’s that time again, that’s right, the time where guys spend their much valued time wandering aimlessly in shopping malls, grabbing anything they can find, in hopes of making their loved ones happy at Christmas.

If you are like me, there is nothing like last minute shopping to drive you over the edge, but we still do it. I don’t think it has anything to do with laziness, but it may have something to do with all the sports on TV this time of year. Whatever your excuse, stay tuned for a list of gift suggestions that you can give your sweetheart on Christmas morning.

  1. Women LOVE perfume, so make sure to visit the local bargain store, and buy lots of perfume. If you are lucky, you can pick up the 1 litre (3.8 gallon for anyone outside Canada) bottle for under a dollar, and your sweetheart will love you forever (and smell like your aunt Myrtle)
  2. Clothing. Need I say more? If you visit thrift stores this time of year, you are bound to find a ton of nice clothes for pennies.If you are real lucky, you may even find a sexy piece of flannel lingerie that will show your woman how much you care.
  3. Gift certificates for Curves and Weight Watchers. Nothing says “I care” like a three month pass to some weight loss program. Your lady will know just how much you care when you tell her how great she could look if she joined these fine organizations.
  4. Candy. The local bulk store has a ton of delicious candy that you can buy for very low prices. Look for the imported (from Hong Kong) candies that resemble the more popular varieties.
  5. A puppy. Even better, visit the local pound and bring home that one animal nobody wants, the one who has been known to pee on furniture and poop on the patio. Your woman will love the challenge of teaching this new addition to the family how to follow her rules.
  6. Power tools. What woman wouldn’t want an electric drill or even better, the newest cordless variety that you can borrow when you have some odd job that needs doing? Or better still, you can get her to do it now that she has her own power tools.
  7. Cleaning supplies. Your woman will be proud to call you hers when you give her the latest cleaning supplies. Mr. Clean Ultra, a new sponge mop and maybe a broom will have her grinning ear to ear on this Christmas morning.
  8. Appliances. Now I know what you are thinking. Expensive! That’s where you are wrong. Visiting second hand stores, a guy can find perfectly salvageable appliances that he can fix up for his woman. Even better idea, give her broken appliances, and she can fix them herself with the new power tools you bought her…now that’s a smart idea.
  9. A snow shovel. Your mate will be in awe when she sees that you went all out and bought her the best shovel you could find at Friendly Mart. If you really want to impress her, you can delegate her to do all the snow shoveling this year. Yeah you are da man
  10. Home made goodies are always a great choice as gifts for the festive season. Want to be a real man and have your lady know exactly how lucky she is to have you? Try printing a few recipes off the ol’ interweb. Make sure the food is stuff you like, like beer snacks for you and your buddies

There you are; a few great gift ideas that will have your lady carrying you around like a king through the entire Christmas season. Don’t thank me until you try the list. Merry Christmas from Sightsnbytes

Letting go of the seat

I have a nine year old son. Well, actually,  his mother and I share him with a dad who is never in the picture, so I guess that makes him my son. At 40, he became my first child. (I know, late bloomer)

When I got into the picture, he was just two and a half, using a pacifier and traveling in a stroller wherever we went. Those were the easy days, when we were the teachers and we taught him important things like how to use the bathroom on his own (When we noticed that he would simply stand in front of the toilet and let it go, over the wall and shower curtain, I had to give him some pointers on how to control where the pee went. He was grossed out when I told him that he actually had to hold the thing on, and aim it towards the toilet), how to flush the toilet, how to brush his teeth, and how to wash his hands. Important stuff that he would use for the rest of his life.

I was also there to teach him how to ride his bike. He hated training wheels, and would not ride the bike with them on it. He said that they were for babies, and he certainly was not a baby. (Growing up too fast, he is!) I remember encouraging him to sit on his little Spider Man bike, go to the hill in the front yard and let gravity take its course. He had no part of this, instead, he got me to hold the seat and he paddle the bike like a bat out of hell.

This worked great until I realized that his little legs could paddle faster than my old legs could run. We both ended up falling, him on top of me. A few more times and eventually, I let go of the seat and away he went, until I was dumb enough to tell him that he was on his own. With this, he would crash at the bottom of the hill, and say the same thing all the time: “Okay Dad, but this time, don’t let go of the seat”.  My response was always the same. “I will hold the seat until you can do it on your own”.

Eventually I did let go, and he did make it to the bottom of the hill, and then to the bottom of the driveway, and then to the end of the street, and so on.  He was so proud to learn how to ride the bike.

I was there for many other first occasions as well. I helped pull his first tooth, taught him to use the lawn mower, how to use the electric drill and other power tools, etc.

I worked with him to learn to read (I can’t figure out what the teachers are doing in school, because for some reason, they don’t feel that spelling and phonics is an important skill, I was hooked on phonics as a child), and when I get a chance, I teach him computer skills. I love doing those things with him.

He just began grade four, and now he says that he doesn’t need any more help. Apparently, he already knows it all.  In soccer practice, he wonders why he has coaches, because again, he figures that he knows it all. I must have done some job in the last seven years, because at only nine years of age, he knows everything.

But I am not ready to let go of the seat yet. He still needs to learn to drive a car, I need to have the ‘Talk’ with him about sex and girls and life (I remember my dad having the talk with me. “You know everything you need to know about girls”  my dad asked. “They told us that in school, dad” I replied. “Thank Heavens” he said.)  and the most important thing, he needs to learn to be a dad. I want to be there for that.

Until that day, I am still holding on to the seat.