Month: April 2011

Golf tips from the Toronto Maple Leafs

Playing golf is nothing new for team members of  the Toronto Maple  Leafs. In fact, team members have had an advantage on the greens since 2003, where they made their final run for Lord Stanley. Since that day, the Leafs have been eliminated from contention, and thus, they have been hitting the courses earlier than most of their friends. All these early starts have provided team members with many skills, mostly off  the ice. To prove the sportsmanlike play of the team, players are now offering the following tips for avid golfers and sucky hockey players alike. Stay tuned…..

  1. Rather than waste your money on golf equipment, players have found that by using their hockey sticks instead of all those golf clubs, golf becomes a practical way to use your hockey equipment. Most of the equipment used by the Leafs is like new, partially due to lack of use in  the hockey rink. Once you get used to slapping that little ball with your hockey stick, you will not want to go back to the clubs again.
  2. Instead of spending money on golf carts, Leaf management (or mis-management) have provided the players the use of the team’s Zamboni. Since many of the Leaf players cannot skate worth a hell, ice surfaces hardly need any cleaning, therefore, the Zambonis are hardly missed. With a little customizing, the Zambonis are fit and ready to cart the overweight players to and from each hole. For the novice Leaf player or fan, you can always find room on the zambonis on the golf  course, as many of the season veterans are either asleep or drunk at the time of tee off.
  3. Since many of the players are alcoholics, players opt for clubs that feature a full bar. These bars have extra wide bar stools, so that the overweight players can sit comfortably and watch the habs play hockey on the big screens.
  4. Leaf players try to avoid 18 hole golf, mainly due to them being so vastly out of shape. Instead, they seek out mini golf courses that feature easy and fun holes for the players. This is one of the reasons why the players try to be eliminated from post season hockey every year.
  5. When playing the game, don’t be disappointed if your game is not up to par,  with many of the players are underachievers,  there is little pressure to do well. The players use this same practice  when they play hockey. The team’s motto, both on and off the ice is “Winning isn’t everything. As long as you had fun and got drunk afterwards, that is all that matters”
  6. Don’t worry about spending money on golf clothing. The Leafs use their hockey jerseys when they play golf. This was a management rule, as the Toronto organization were fed up purchasing jerseys that were only used half the year.
  7. Landing a ball  in the water is not a concern for a Leaf player.. They simply sit and wait for the pond to freeze over, or wait until the next season ends (in April) to retrieve the ball. Leaf players never sweat the little  things, like winning a game or  making the playoffs.
  8. As far as golf shoes go,  leaf players tend to use their old hockey skates. they simply remove the blades until the season begins again. Judging by how badly leaf players look on the ice, it is evident that many players fail to re-attach the blades during the regular season.

I hope those tips help your game, or at least make you realize how much the leafs suck. Happy Golfing and Golf Leafs Golf