Category: It Seems To Me That…

Today’s thought…

Sword Swallower

On all the talent shows, there is at least one sword swallower. I can’t look. If the act goes well, he shows up on the next episode, ready to freak me out again. If the act goes awry, he is dead on stage…how is this an act that he can repeat.

“The act didn’t go well. I will make it up to you if I get called back!” he says, while bleeding to death!

How long can an act of swallowing a sword possibly last? Imaging a two hour Vegas show where a guy puts swords down his throat. Boring unless something goes wrong. Its like watching Nascar…boring unless there is an accident.

How does one know they are a good sword swallower? What about the people who discovered they weren’t good at it?  Are they dead?

At what point in a person’s life do they decide they want to be a sword swallower? “What you doing the weekend?” “Not much, I might try swallowing something sharp, see how it turns out…”

How does one believe they can do this? Do they start off with small things, like pocket knives and steak knifes? “Junior, get that butter knife out of your mouth…want to cut yourself and bleed to death? What’s wrong with you???”

When the sword ‘goes down the wrong hole’ does the person die, or just cough it up?

Are swords fattening? Lots of Iron, so I guess they are healthy!

Not much of a margin for error in sword swallowing. It’s either it went well or you are dead.

Its not like you meet some guy who says “I tried Sword swallowing and gave it  up….I wasn’t good at it”  If you aren’t good at it, you are probably dead by now.

The act probably requires concentration. can you imagine if the guy is on America’s Got talent and one of the judges hits the X…I bet that buzzer could be distracting…

In the City

We arrived yesterday. In a full day of maneuvering across the island, we withstood at least four seasons of weather and some of the worst highways in the country just to reach our goal…St John’s…that’s right, we are now in KJ’s neck of the woods.

When we arrived in the city we were amazed by the drivers here. I would imagine that anyone buying a used car from this city would find one part of the car that is just like new, the turn signal switch. Nobody here uses turn signals, they just turn whenever they want, pull in front of you on busy streets, and change lanes at will. No wonder there are so many accidents here in this part of the island. On the way in, not only did we witness several car accidents, but one guy’s car actually caught fire! Poor guy!

We managed a bit of shopping. Since my lady and I do most things together, she came to Princess Auto with me to look at truck parts, and then to the tire rack to price winter tires for the truck, and I had to accompany her to LaSenza, a lingerie shop. We managed to find similarities with the tire shop and the lingerie shop, The bigger the rim size on the tire, the less rubber you get, and with the lingerie shop, the less you buy the more it cost…less is more I guess.

And fashion! I must be the only guy in the city who knows how guys dress. I mean, I am the only guy in here with a plaid shirt and jeans. Every other guy seems to be wearing some wild flashy ‘top’ that could be easily interchanged with girl clothing. The women seem to crave attention in the city. One woman wore a shirt that said “If you can read this, you must be staring at my TITS”…I was reading it out of curiosity, didn’t mean to offend anyone.

Looking forward to the Fogerty concert later tonight, my primary reason for leaving the safety and calmness of the west coast and rural life. My lady? Her primary reason for coming here was to buy clothing and shoes.

Until later…

Thought for the day:The Man from Atlantis

I used to wonder why Patrick Duffy never tried out for the Olympic Swim Team. Man, that guy could swim! In television’s Male version of Splash, Patrick Duffy , together with his super human strength and web feet and hands, fought gallantly against evil in thirteen television episodes and four TV movies. It is a wonder that they never made a remake of this series, hopefully they don’t.

 

Thought for the day: I hate Thursdays Part II

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

WORSTDAY

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

My new week. Thursdays always seem to suck, and this Worstday was no different. Try driving to work, something falls from the old beat up truck ahead of me on the highway, I hit it, and boom, my tire blows out. I change it only to notice that the dummy spare is flat also. I pump up dummy flat, make it to my local Canadian Tire (note the word TIRE), purchase new (note NEW) tire and rim, attempt to book appointment to get tire mounted on rim and on my car, salesperson tells me that since it is THURSDAY, all their tire changing crew are gone until MONDAY.

After visiting four different service stations, only one was not too busy to fix my tire, but he is closed for business today. Fortunately (I dont type the word ‘fortunately’ very often on Thursdays) he agrees to fix my tire but I will have to put it on my car myself. He does however charge me double because he has to call in a mechanic who is off duty.

When I get back to work on my dummy spare, it is flat again. I pump it up, but no go, the damn dummy tire is ruined. I get cab to garage to get now fixed tire, (well not fixed actually) as the guy who promised to have tire fixed in hour is nowhere in sight, and my new tire and rim are clearly visible on his garage floor, untouched and unfixed.

I return to work, call him eighty times, and finally he answers and says that if I came to his garage right now, he can not only fix the tire, but he can also mount rim and tire on car. I tell him that I cannot because my spare is now flat also.

another cab ride to garage, I am now heading back to work so that I can put tire and rim (now together) on car. (In my office clothing)

WORSTDAYS

Thought for the day: Getting your picture taken

Back in the day, getting one’s picture taken was a big event. Not everyone owned a camera, so when someone visited with camera equipment, everyone made sure to have their best clothes on, and to their hair combed just right.

I guess that since cameras took a roll of 24 (sometimes less) film, you were limited to what you took pictures of.

I remember mom and dad getting us to pose, taking a picture, and then rushing off to get the film developed (it took quite some time, as we lived in a rural community, and had to mail the pictures to a photo lab off the island). The minute they received the photos back, they would place the pictures in an album, for everyone to see.

The funny thing about those old pictures is that I can remember when each of them were taken. The above photo is one where my dad graduated from a heavy equipment schooling program he did. This was a very special event, and we all dressed in our Sunday best and had pictures taken.

Nowadays, with the digital cameras and Internet, people take thousands of pictures, and post them online before half of us even know the pictures have been taken. Gone are the days where it was a special occasion to have your picture taken, and in are the days when it just annoys the hell out of you to have a shot done, half of the time without your permission in the first place. I miss the old days sometimes…

Thought for the day: Thursdays should be renamed Worstdays

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr

Okay, now that that is off my chest, I can relax.

What a day I had so far today (and it is only 9:30 a.m.)

  1. little feller (my son) spills what is left of the milk, so no cereal.
  2. dog vomits on the floor and I walk in it, with clean socks
  3. I attempt to make omelet, but last egg rolls off the counter and breaks on floor
  4. dog eats egg
  5. dog gets sick again
  6. little feller forgets his lunch, I run out to bring it to him on his way to the school bus
  7. ice everywhere, I slip and fall on my ass
  8. garbage day, I forget the trash
  9. late for work, I am now behind school bus
  10. school bus turns off main road, I am behind a slow pick up truck
  11. I complain that truck is going too slow, I pass it in the only place available to pass
  12. I get behind farmer on tractor (on highway where speed limit is 80 kmh) towing a load of hay on a trailer that takes up one and a half lanes on a two lane highway
  13. I forgot to bring lunch I packed last night
  14. I forgot to bring thermos with tea (caffeine fix for the day)
  15. I have confrontation with student
  16. I realize that I didn’t forget trash, I forgot trash in my trunk

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRR

Can’t wait to see what the afternoon brings

Thought for the day: Writer’s Block

Writer’s Block: I have it. Well, not exactly I guess, as I manage to post something every day, but for some reason I find the quality of my latest posts has began to lessen. Maybe I should stop for awhile and give my mind a chance to retrieve some more stories from the thing in my head that tells the stories in the first place…naw, that won’t work.

Today I was going to write a post on the dumbest questions on the Internet, but that one has been done before. I googled ‘The dumbest Question on The Internet” and this is what I found:

“Hi. Does anyone know if it’s possible to use a background that would essentially turn my computer monitor into a mirror? Scanning a mirror doesn’t work.”

Unless you are narcissistic, why would you possibly want to be sitting across from your monitor, staring at yourself?

That didn’t work. I tried thinking of a humorous anecdote that may have happened to me as a child, God knows I have a ton of them, but today, my mind is a blank. I feel like Kramer on Seinfeld when he sold all his life stories and then didn’t have any memories..

I could write about my work here, but since I am sworn to confidentiality, telling stories about the shenanigans that goes on in a high school may be considered a breach of the act and I may find myself on the unemployment line. I won’t be doing that anytime soon.

Maybe I could write about the weather. That is always a topic of discussion, especially here on the Island. Today, you can’t see a hand before your face, as the old folks say. A snowstorm on a day when school should have been cancelled and I could have stayed in bed longer; but that didn’t happen. Instead, the school principal spent most of the morning gazing out the front door, probably wishing he was home too.

I could write about the students who come to school hungry, because their parents either can’t afford to feed them, or because they don’t give a damn about their kids in the first place, but that topic is like beating a dead horse, and I hate cruelty to animals.

Speaking of animals, my dad is in trouble with mom today. Yesterday, my sister called to tell my dad about a starving kitten that has been coming to her door for the last few weeks. She said that she has been feeding the little thing, but he or she was too scared to get close, so she couldn’t take him or her in. My dad to the rescue, much to the dismay of my mom, who really doesn’t care for pets, even though dad has already taken in one stray that he found in the city a few years back.

The minute my dad arrived at my sis’ home, the little critter came running to his arms, to his car, to the house, to the couch, and next to my mom. The little sucker knew exactly who to sit next to, as mom actually admitted that the kitten was cute, but far too thin. That won’t last long. Any animal, person, stranger, salesman,alien, or any other life form that enters the home of my parents are treated to any food item that may be present in the house. The little critter will be tubby in no time.

See, I told you I had nothing to write. Hopefully the block will leave my brain by tomorrow so that my writing improves and I will not be boring you any longer. Just saying