Category: Rants and Roars

Tribute to Canada.

After yesterday’s shooting in Ottawa, I felt this song a tribute to once was. Our country is no longer safe, and we are no longer free.

Every day from now on we will fear the unthinkable.

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everthing old is new again…sigh

Ever reminisce about the old days and wish everything was that way again? The candy we enjoyed as kids, the games we played, and how about the music we listened to? Sometimes things are better left to memory.

I felt that way about four of my favorite musicians from my younger years. Back then, my four favorites were Bryan Adams, John (Cougar sometimes) Mellencamp, Tom Petty, and of course my all time favourite, Bob Seger.

When I seen that all four of my favorites planned on releasing new albums for 2014, I was elated. Couldn’t wait to get them. The minute they were released, I bought them. Big Mistake!

Years (and all the cigarettes) were not kind to Mellencamp’s voice. His voice, although always gravely, now sounds as if he gargled with nails prior to recording the album. That is not to say that the songs weren’t great, but I couldn’t get past the raspy voice. It almost hurt to listen.

Speaking of gravel, Bryan Adams released a new album as well….of all things, a cover album. Six years after his last album, entitled ’11’, he releases a cover album. Don’t get me wrong, the man can still sing, and for Bryan, the gravel works well, but the song choices??? Country songs?

I have always been a country fan, but I was a rock fan as well. Those two worlds don’t (or shouldn’t) collide well. It was just wrong to hear Adams belt out Kristofferson’s ”Help Me Make it Through the Night’ and even worse, his rendition of Don Gibson’s ‘I Can’t Stop Loving You’. Adams did a great job on those songs, but it seems to me that there were already enough covers of those songs that my favorite Canadian ROCKER didn’t need to be doing them. I wish he could have released an album of original ROCK songs.

Another artist who chose to go country as of late is Bob Seger. My absolute favourite artist throughout the 70’s and 80’s, Seger released an album that is a mix between country and blues, and for me, it just doesn’t make it.

Steve Earle’s ‘Devil’s Right Hand’ was the biggest disappointment on the entire album. Seger simply cannot hit the notes that the songwriter did in his own release of the song. Instead of showcasing the fine singer’s voice, the song shows the age of the artist. The rest of the songs on the album just didn’t cut it for me. Very disappointed in this one and a waste of my money.

Finally, Tom Petty. What can I say? I hated the entire thing. Maybe I am being a bit too critical, but when fine artists try to fit the cookie cutter world of radio, it is just darn disappointing.

On the way to work today, I loaded my favorite albums of yesteryear. ‘Reckless’, ‘Uh Huh’, Full Moon Fever’ and ‘Beautiful Loser’. Now THAT was music!

Factbook

Imagine if they changed Facebook to Factbook. I wonder how many people would still want to be a member?

Facebook has changed the face (no pun intended) of the Internet, and of privacy standards. Imagine if you went for a job interview and the employer asked you the following questions:

  1. What is your first and last name?
  2. When were you born?
  3. Are you in a relationship?
  4. How many times in one week do you drink, and can you provide pictures?
  5. Do you have any half naked photos to share?
  6. What is your cell number?
  7. What is your email address?
  8. What sort of friends do you keep?
  9. On what hours will you be home, or gone?

If you would be appalled at those questions, just take a look at a typical Facebook page. Most people share their most intimate and private moments on Facebook.

What some people fail to realize is how many times Facebook is used against them. These days, employers constantly check out a person’s Facebook profile, looking for warning signs such as public drunkenness, lewdness, and most of all, who a person chooses to acquaint themselves with.

Insurance companies have saved thousands of dollars by checking out people’s profiles. I know of one occasion where a person made an insurance claim because he was in an accident at work. He claimed that he could no longer walk and needed the use of crutches to get around. What the insurance adjuster found on that person’s Facebook page was a very recent video of that person dancing on a table in a bar. Prior to seeing that video, the insurance company was ready to award that person the entire $300,000 he had requested. After the video, not only did the guy not receive any money, he was also charged with fraud.

Really dumb people also set themselves up for robberies and abuse. How many times do I see people’s status messages state things such as ‘gone for the weekend’ or ‘home alone tonight’. Might as well say ‘come rob me’ or ‘free sex here this evening’. Perhaps the dumbest thing I ever seen on Facebook was a message for an older couple’s son. “We are gone for the weekend, the key is in the mailbox’. Talk about setting yourself up to be robbed! DUH!

 

Morning people

RISE AND SHINE! ITS MORNING! THE BIRDS ARE SINGING, THE CLOCK IS TICKING! ITS MORNING!

My wife doesn’t understand me. She can’t understand how I can wake up five minutes before the alarm rings in the morning (6:30 a.m.) and hop out of the bed and get ready and eat and drive 45 minutes across a highway filled with moose and even worse moose hunters and still be early for work. See how much energy I have? Not even a comma in that splurge of words.

She really cannot understand how on Saturday mornings and Sunday mornings and on holidays how I can be up at 6:30 a.m. and have breakfast cooked and be wide awake before she is even thinking of waking up.

I explain to her that I am a morning person.

Morning people have all this energy early in the morning and it bothers the hell out of non morning people. I literally bounce off the walls with just five or so hours of healthy sleep. Any more is a waste of a day! I know, annoying, huh?

Morning people have a difficult time understanding non morning people. Get out of bed and stop wasting the day away! I could say that, but I do enjoy being married…and living…

 

the phone number from HELL

“Is Cliffie there? I want to speak to Cliffie!”

I am sorry, you have the wrong number

“I don’t have the wrong number, idiot! Now put Cliffie on the phone NOW!”

Insane person recites Cliffie’s phone number, which is exactly the same as my new cell phone number. Apparently Ole Cliffie must have either lost his phone, or didn’t pay his bill and lost his number. I recently got a new iphone and this is the number that telus provided me with.

Ma’am, this is no longer Cliffie’s number. Now please stop calling here.

[in a VERY drunken voice] “P-P-Put C-l-i-f-f-i-e on N-o-w!”

He isn’t here

“Where is he”?

How should I know. now please hang up!

“C-L-I-F-F-I-E! Please come homeeeee………”

The drunk lady finally hangs up. I finally settle down and try to sleep….at 3:30 a.m.

Until 4:00 a.m. that is.

“CLIFFIE! Some asshole said that you weren’t here. He won’t let me talk to you! I am calling the cops Cliffie!”

Lady, its no use calling the cops. Cliffie doesn’t own this number. Please go to sleep and leave me alone!

After three more calls, she finally settles down. I have half an hour sleep and it is time to get up for work.

As I am eating my breakfast, the damn iPhone rings again. I am ready to throw the thing thru the window.

“This is Cliffie. I hear you have been giving my Friens a hard time, you F**ker!!!” he says, in a very drunken voice.

Why are you calling me? this isn’t your damn number!

“I know. I don’t have a phone. I got D-D-Drunk once and lost the thing. telus took away my number, and all my ladies still have the number. can you take messages for me?”

I am dropping by Telus this evening. I have to get that number changed!

True story!

debunking myths: Spider-Man

“Spider-man Spider-man, does whatever a spider can”…What a pile of crap!

When was the last time you seen Spidey eat a fly? How about set a web up to catch a fly?

and the line “catches thieves just like flies”…does he eat the thieves when he catches them in his web? Not only that, but do flies catch thieves? I can see the headlines now

ROBBERY AT 7TH STREET. NEVER MIND, THE FLIES GOT THERE FIRST. THIEVES APPREHENDED AND ATE BY FLIES

 

Old Spidey is a bigger rip-off than the tooth fairy!

things in the fridge

Yesterday was garbage day, and like any other Thursday, I had to clean out the fridge before taking the garbage to the curb. Since this is the first full week of school for our kid, the wife went and bought all sorts of new stuff for the little guy’s lunch. Of course the one big mistake she made was bringing him shopping. You know that he wanted everything that came in nifty packaging, especially if it tied in with a popular movie or tv show.

So now the fridge is filled with all the things he HAD to have, tried, and didn’t like. Packages of yogurt that I knew he wouldn’t like, but since The Amazing Spiderman adorns the packaging, it would taste different than other yogurt, everyone knows that. Wrong. Eight packages in the original package, six left. He actually tried the first one and threw it out, and then for some reason figured that two days later the stuff would improve and tried it again. He should have listened to his Spider Senses.

The package of green turkey roll is definitely heading for the trash. Those new blister packs are a pain once they are opened, but as I have often suggested (you have to suggest things to 12 year old’s those days apparently), put the thing in a Tupperware container once you open them. Nobody listens. Another $7 wasted.

“The orange juice has lumps in it!” was his reaction when I asked why a practically full container of orange juice (Low Pulp) was left without the cover on it and now has gone bad. They weren’t lumps, just pulp.

He doesn’t like pulp…figured they were pieces of wood or something. Oh the Teens are coming up….good-bye hair.

The apples are all gone, save for one in the bin. He is all brown, especially where the bite was taken out. Guess that one is gone too. I don’t need the CSI team to discover who took the bite out of that one. My son again. “Had to find a sweet one” he says.

Speaking of Tupperware, there is one in the very back of the fridge. Upon opening it and nearly hitting the floor from the stink, I discovered that it was once a half can of beans and wieners, another of my son’s quick snacks he brings for school lunches. He must be a big hit with the ladies….This one must have missed last week’s refrigerator scan, because it appears that hair is growing from a few of the beans. Maybe it missed a few fridge scans. Maybe I could send the stuff to my Uncle Harold…he has started losing his hair as of late. Maybe a few of those hairy beans would do the trick!

Once all the spoiled and outdated things were out of the fridge, the thing was almost empty. My wife offered to take son and buy groceries this evening. NOOOOoooo!

Tomorrow I have to attack the deep freeze! Stay tuned

 

 

 

It’s all in the wording

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/moose-hits-rcmp-cruiser-near-deer-lake-1.2762035

Its funny how things work out sometimes. The above story fully explains my assumption. “Moose hits RCMP cruiser near Deer Lake”. If it was anyone other than a law enforcement officer in the collision, the article would have been titled “Driver hits moose”, but when a member of the RCMP hits a moose, it’s the moose who actually hit them.

I can see it now. The driver of the squad car sitting innocently in his car (probably scoffing down on a donut from Tim’s) on the side of the road when suddenly a moose appears out of nowhere, going at least 111 km/h and BANG! the moose hits the poor cop car dead on. The moose is pronounced dead at the scene (if he wasn’t he would have been charged with dangerous running or running without a moose license)

The article goes on to explain that the moose did in fact hit the car (their story). The officer was taken to the hospital to treat his injuries. The moose carcass was later removed. No word on whether emergency first aid was performed on the large deer.

I just bet the moose was high on sweet grass at the time and didn’t see the poor cop car. GEEZE Give me a break!

Spring has sprung…I think

Spring is here! It’s just buried under ten feet of snow. Despite being buried this year, March 20 still gave me hope that maybe the winter may eventually end….

This winter was heralded as ‘an old fashioned Newfoundland Winter’. I totally agree with that statement, except for one thing…we Newfies have softened over the years.

When I was a kid, winters began in November and ended somewhere near the end of May. And talk about snow! We had snowstorms almost every day. I remember on one occasion my mom warned me that if I were to go outside, be careful not to touch the bottom power line! We really had snowbanks that high.

Nowadays, when the snow blows a bit, they call it snow sqalls and cancel school. We never heard of a snow squall when I was a kid. We had days where it snowed, and days when it snowed more. On the ones that snowed more, they actually brought us to school, and then worked hard to return us home on the bus. Kids these days  wouldn’t last a minute in the winters I grew up in….and  I walked to school, two miles, uphill both ways….that’s what my mom used to tell me. I guess I was weak when compared to my mom and dad when they were kids.

Today was the first day warm enough to take the dogs outside and play. We had -25 last night, so the snow has a nice hard crust on it, perfect for giving the dogs a good run. I even seen a few kids outside this morning. Their video games must have broke!

Anyway, soon enough that horrible white stuff will be gone, replaced by green  lawns and fishing trips….can’t wait!