deep thoughts….while in an MRI

“This one will take a while”, they told me, as the technician injected me with dye. “This one will put a brassy taste in your mouth, feel real warm going down your chest, oh, and it will make you think you want to pee” he added.

With that, I asked if I could pee first. God knows I didn’t want to wet myself on the table, bad embarrassing I would imagine.

They hesitated with the injection until I returned. They weren’t lying, the taste hit me almost immediately. Yuck!

“Now, this will take at least an hour, maybe two. You have to keep completely still.” one of them said. I had my eyes closed so not to see the needle. Did I mention I hate needles?

An hour? I have to keep still for an hour? My wife says I am the human squirmer. I can’t keep still for a minute, let alone an hour…or more. I warned them that this might prove impossible.

“Are you claustrophobic?” one of them asked,  as he put a cage over my head and stuffed foam against my neck. “You got the earplugs in tight? The noise will deafen you!” So much for my fear of small places. I am already panicking, but I can’t move, remember?

“I will be talking to you throughout the experience, and squeeze the bulb if you need anything.” he reassured me. I squeezed the thing just to see if it worked. “Just checking” I told him.

“Close your eyes, and don’t look anywhere except straight ahead” he said. “We are taking pictures of your eyes, and your brain. We want to do this right, and do it once.” Now I cannot move, cannot open my eyes, and have to look straight ahead; this is getting better all the time.

I tell myself that an hour isn’t really that long. I lie to myself. I am in the thing for what seems like forever, and the guys say “Okay, that’s the first two minutes…”

KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK!

Damn that thing is noisy! Good thing for the earplugs. Wait a minute, one of them fell out. I squeeze my squeezy thing and the clanging stops. “What is wrong?” one of them asks. “My ear plug fell out. The the noise is deafening me, and I am half deaf to start with.”

I feel myself being hauled out of the MRI, two pieces of tape are pulled across my ears to hold the plugs in, and its back in the MRI. The thing is freezing. I tell them I am freezing before they begin again. One of them throws a warm blanket on me, and I am in heaven…except for the fact that I have an IV tube sticking out of my arm. Did I mention I put the hospital gown on backwards? I couldn’t figure out how I was going to do up the laces if it was in the back of me.

KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK!KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK!KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK!

More noise! “Okay, this one is going to be a bit longer, five or ten minutes of steady noise. Keep still, don’t look around, keep your eyes shut”

KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK! KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK! KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK!K LACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK! KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK! KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK! KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK! KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK! KLACKETY CLACK! KLACKETY KLACK! PHEWABBER PHEWABBER! KLACKET CLACK!

Three more times and then I feel myself being hauled out again. Finally I am done! That wasn’t so bad, didn’t even seem like an hour.

“We are going to inject the dye now, Mr White. The taste will intensify, and its only another half hour or more and you are finished.Remember to keep still. Put yourself into a happy place while we do this.”

Half an hour more? And the dye wasn’t injected? What was that warm feeling and that bad taste? My mind playing tricks on me, that’s what.

This half an hour turned into an hour due to my squirming. I think I opened my eyes once too.

And then I did what they asked. I put myself into a happy place. I stopped thinking of the machine and instead I imagined myself with my wife.

The day before the test, my beautiful wife and I took our ATV and headed for the country. We stopped along a river, and ran and played in the water like kids, splashing each other with the cool water, and laughing our heads off. We wanted a carefree day in which we didn’t have to think about work or other stressors.

I was relaxed, and enjoying myself. The water was cool on my toes and the river made a babbling noise as it ran across the rocks. The air was fresh and I could taste the cool water on my tongue. It tasted like DYE! Soon the rushing water sounds turned to Klackety Clacks. I need to pee…..

Just when I was going to squeeze the bulb, a voice came on and said only two more tests, each one less than a minute. A few more Klackety Clacks and I was done.

“Thank you Mr. White. You did great. You should drink lots of fluids so that you wash that dye from your body, we used quite a bit of it. Your doctor should have the results in a few weeks.”

I was done. What an experience. When I checked the time, I was in the thing for over an hour and a half. I was starving. A trip to a restaurant for lunch and together with the bad taste from the dye and the greasy food, I got sick. I think it was probably a combination of my claustrophobia, my diabetes, and my fear of needles, together with bad food.

In an hour or two I was on my way home. Glad to be finished with the test. Now to wait for the results, which is often worst than the test itself. I will keep you posted.

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “deep thoughts….while in an MRI

  1. I went through all this with my eye problem, 5 years ago. It’s no fun. I feel for you. They never did find what caused mine, but it went away. I sure hope yours does too. 🙂
    I’d trade this for my enlarged prostate. The urologist wanted to do an endoscopy to check for cancer. That’s scary enough, but to do it, “You’re going to stick what up where ?” Ow! Ow! 😯

    1. I got good news today. No Timor. Like you, they don’t know what caused it, but the swelling is going down.
      My buddy told me about a guy he works with who had to have a rectal exam. The guy put his underwear on backwards, bent over, and told his doctor, see the peehole in me sharts? Thats all you get to see from me arse.

      1. Well, that’s good! Not the guy with the backwards shorts – your apparent complete recovery. The wife suggested tinted glasses. I told her you were wearing sunglasses at work, like your hero, Cory Hart. Do you, still?

      2. yes, still wearing them. My job requires a lot of computer time, and when I stare at the screen too long everything gets blurry. My doc says this should clear up in no time, if I continue to use the Glaucoma Drops my eye specialist prescribed. I hope things go well for you. Sometimes life can be such a pain in the ass

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