When you drink, and your laugh sounds more like a crow than a human being, this should deter you from choosing to drink….or to laugh, or both. It is not for some people, as evident with the crowd I played for last night. A very attractive lady who sat across from my DJ booth got a little TOO drunk. Her voice changed drastically (why do voices change when you drink I wonder?) She kept cackling all night. I was thinking of borrowing a scarecrow from one of the neighbouring farms and sitting it next to me. Maybe it would drive her off!
Speaking of laughter, we had an annoying time at a restaurant recently. We sat in a booth, and the seat back was fairly tall, over my head to be exact. Behind me sat a woman with the most annoying laugh ever. From what we could tell, she was on a first date with a very sad man. Every time he said anything, she would virtually howl out laughing, so loud that it annoyed the hell out of me and everyone else in the building. I bet he wanted to make a run for it, but was too polite to do so.
I had a date like this myself many years ago. The girl was quite beautiful, all my friends seemed to envy me for getting a date with her. Everything went splendid at the beginning of the night, before we stopped into a little diner for a meal. When she walked in, most graciously, she said that I should be warned, her nickname was ‘garbage guts’. Looking at her, I would have disagreed, as she had the body of a model. I was surprised when she began to eat however, as she hopped directly to the buffet section, and filled her plate to the hilt. She swallowed food like it was her last meal. I just sat there. And then she got real giggly. By giggly, I mean that she laughed at everything I said. Her laugh was not that of what I figured, it was real loud and very annoying. I excused myself, saying that I had to go to the bathroom. When I reached the counter, I paid for the meal, left a tip, and took off. I peeked into the window and seen that she had made another trip to the buffet, and loaded her plate even higher with food, and when I was making my getaway, she shoveled food into herself like crazy. What a hungry woman. I never saw that girl again, thankfully!
I broke up with lots of women for silly reasons. I was like a Seinfeld episode waiting to happen. One lady actually asked me out. There was a movie playing that she wanted to see, so I agreed to accompany her. She asked if I could drop by her house to pick her up. When I reached her door and rang the doorbell, two small kiddies answered the door. One of them looked at me and asked “Are you here to pick up mom?” When I answered “Yes”, the other said “Are you gonna be our NEW DADDY?”. I took off again. It was a good thing I had a fast car back then!