The best laid plans of Tommy Welling

Thomas Welling was a man who was fed up with his life. The laugh of the town, nobody ever took poor Tommy serious. It was as if he was too stupid to live. At least that’s what his step-father used to say. Truth is, Tommy really did dumb things, and it seemed like he could never get things right.

Tommy did everything he could to please his step-father, but he was never good enough. I guess that was part of the problem. Tommy was bullied from the minute he came into this world, and  everyone knew that eventually he would burst. The other part was that Tommy used to think about doing things. Things like ending his worthless life and taking half the town with him. That’s where this story begins.

On Saturday, June 15, Tommy awoke from his slumber with a plan. Throughout the night, he devised a plan  to rob the First National Bank. If he got away with it, he would leave the town  of Hummerville and start a new life somewhere else; somewhere where nobody ever heard of Thomas Welling, his Step-dad Frank Peters, or anyone else who has ever made Tommy’s life the living hell that it was. If it went wrong, it would all be over and Tommy wouldn’t have to worry about anything ever again.

One thing that could not be said about Tommy was that he wasn’t intelligent. Some said that he was ‘book smart’ and not ‘street smart’. That being said, he had a plan, and as diverse as it may have seemed  at the time, he worked hard to make it happen.

Being from  such a small town, gathering the things he needed for his plan was no easy task. Rather than visit the local hardware store, he chose to order everything  from the Internet. He made sure that all  items were shipped in plain brown  wrappers.  God knows, the ladies who worked at the local post office were nosy enough to actually peek inside packages  if they really wanted to know  what was inside. He didn’t want some meddling old ladies ruining his plans.

When all the packages arrived, Tommy went ahead with his plans. He created a  vest wrapped with explosives and fastened it to a tee shirt that he wore  under an old hunting  vest his step-dad left in the shed. He then installed a button  that would hang at belt height, giving him the opportunity to push it when he needed to…if he needed to.

Disappointed that he could not test the device, he had to trust the instructions that he had found  on the website. He then hid the shirt in his closet, along with his other clothes, and waited for the precise time to plan the robbery.

On  Monday, August 9, Tommy was ready. That morning,  he sat and thought about all the people in town  who laughed at him, called him retarded and dumb, and generally made his life a living hell. The one who would suffer worst would be his step-dad, the Chief of Police in the area. Tommy would show this joker who was dumb.

Since this was a Monday, the entire town was packed with shoppers. The bank was also crowded, and as Tommy looked around,  he noticed that most of the people seemed to snicker at him as he entered the bank. He thought about exposing his bomb shirt to them, teaching them  a lesson, but he decided to wait a bit. Tom took  a number from  the ticket dispenser and waited in line.

He listened  to the town’s  gossipers as they whispered their crap to each other, and almost wished he could push the button, but on this day, he would be patient. He would show the town  that he wasn’t dumb, he wasn’t the town idiot, and he was fed up with everything.

When his number came up on the board, he patiently and calmly walked toward the wicket.

“Give me whatever money you can gather in this bag” he ordered the teller. “This is a robbery!” he yelled. As he was ordering the teller to do his bidding, Charlene Farkensin, the oldest teller at the bank reached beneath the counter and pushed a small red button. With that, police in the area were alerted.

Seeing how the town’s doughnut shop was just around the corner, it took no time  for the police to surround the bank. Tom’s step-dad led the others into the room where they quickly surrounded Tom and the patrons. “Tom, give yourself up and come home. We all love you. You are making a fool  of yourself.  Stop being so bitter and leave. You can’t rob a bank, you don’t even have a gun!” his Step-father said.

“I DON’T NEED A GUN, I HAVE SOMETHING BETTER!” Tommy ripped the vest open, hoping to reveal his elaborate plan and teach those idiots a lesson.

When everyone in the bank, including his step-father and the rest of the police began  laughing out loud, Tommy grew even more impatient. “THIS IS IT THEN, IT ALL ENDS HERE” With that he reached for the button. He fumbled across the shirt, expecting the button. Where was the button? He felt his shirt, from one end to the other, and discovered something. When he looked down at his shirt, he noticed one terrible error  in  his plan. It was at this point  that Tommy lost it. He began yelling “SHIT! WRONG  SHIRT!” over and over as he was hauled off to the first squad car and then onto the psychiatric ward at the hospital. Poor Tommy! 

By the way,  this is the shirt that Tommy mistakenly wore to the bank. Oh well,  so much for a good plan.

photo courtesy of
photo courtesy of

7 thoughts on “The best laid plans of Tommy Welling

      1. Your story?? Oh, yeah, great, as usual. Highly creative and well crafted, hard to tell if it was merely a recounting of fact. I’ll settle for imaginative, and well done. Now I gotta get some bleach and rinse my eyes. 😉

  1. It was great SnB! The drama, the humor, the set up and then usually an odd twist! Perfect.

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