Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Alex Jacobson. Alex, a hard-nosed, racist, asshole who got off on bullying people his entire life.
At just 26 years of age, Alex was already on his fourth marriage. He manhandled and abused the other three to the point that they couldn’t take it any longer. The latest Mrs. Jacobson was a tall blonde with a body like a supermodel. Nobody knows how or why Kelly Jacobson put up with Alex and his racist ways; especially with the way he treated Kelly’s twin brother Sandy, who was gay.
Alex was especially angry due to the fact that Sandy and his new husband were coming to visit for the next two weeks.
On this day, Alex and Kelly were heading home from their vacation. The narrow winding roads proved a bit of a challenge for Alex. Although he had way too much to drink, Alex violently refused to let Kelly drive. When he swerved onto the left lane to maneuver a turn, he met with oncoming traffic. Despite his efforts, drunken Alex couldn’t get the car back on his side of the road, which resulted in him losing control. Soon they found themselves teeter tottering over a steep embankment, with at least a five hundred foot drop beneath them.
Maybe it was fear, maybe it was the booze, but for the first time in his life, Alex was speechless. Kelly was unconscious in the seat next to him, and with that, he let out a loud cry. “If I ever get out of this, I will change, God help me!”
In minutes, the car they were driving slipped down the hill, the two passengers plunging to their death, heading towards the jagged rocks beneath them. Alex passed out.
in a blink of an eye, he was back at the wheel. This time he was alone, but still as drunk as before. “What the hell?” he thought. “I must have passed out, it was all a bad dream!”
Alex stopped by his favorite watering hole before going home. He sat with his buddies and shot tequila for hours. Against his friend’s wishes, he grabbed his keys and headed home.
As Alex drunkenly drove the car, as he had done many times before, he remembered his dream. “Fuck it, stupid dream. I am going home and makin’ love to my wife, whether she likes it or not!” he schemed. “I won’t even wake her, she will wake soon enough, when she feels my manliness beside her!” he bragged to himself.
Alex was so drunk that he could barely see. It was a wonder that he made it home in one piece. He staggered up the stairs and into their bedroom. The walls that led down the hall were covered with family portraits, all with the same writing beneath the picture, ‘Kelly and Alex Forever’. “Damn Kelly, she has pictures of her queer brother and his ‘boyfriend’ all over my house. Tomorrow I will rip them down, but first I will make her pay!” he muttered.
When he entered the room, he noticed that the paint was changed. Another portrait hung above the headboard of the large waterbed. Again it was of Kelly and some other guy. Sickened by this, he stripped naked and mounted his still sleeping wife from behind. He made vigorous love to her, and then passed out next to her.
The next morning, Alex reached across the bed and attempted to fondle his wife’s ample breasts. What he found was a muscular chest, bits of hair cropping up everywhere. “WHAT THE FUCK?” he hollered.
“SSH, you will wake my sister Sandy!, She is a guest here. Please show a bit of respect.” Kelly warned.
“What the fuck are you doing in my bed, you horrible queer ?” Alex yelled, not caring who he awoke. “WTF?” asked Kelly. “It’s me, Kelly, the man you married!” Alex jumped from the bed and ran to the bathroom and threw up vigorously. When he had regained his composure, he leaned over the bathroom sink to wash. He gazed in the mirror and almost fainted. The ‘other guy’ in the portraits with Kelly peered back at him. “WHAT THE FUCK?” he questioned. “What kind of nasty trick are you playing on me?
“Alex, you were drinking again. You really have to stop. Don’t you remember anything? We got married last week, we are lovers, we have been for over ten years. Now shut your piehole and get back into the bed, bitch, and make love to me like you did last night, you know I like it rough.”
Our friend Alex got himself into quite a stir. It seems that Kelly is the dominant force in this marriage, and Alex? He just shuts up and does what he is told. He has to. Kelly has a reputation for getting what he wants, even if he has to bust a few nuts to get it. Funny how things work out sometimes, isn’t it?
There is probably an Alex Jacobson in all our lives, haunting us, scaring us, making our lives miserable. Wouldn’t it be great to see the people who bullied us end up like Alex? Maybe then they would understand how difficult and hurtful it is to be bullied.
This story was originally titled ‘Bitten in the ass’. I wrote it late last night, but I wasn’t satisfied with the characters and the way things turned out. I am confident this version will put a smile on someone’s face.