things kids say part 2

I spent the first 40 years of my life without kids. Then came my lady. She had a 2 year old son from a previous relationship, and as our love grew, he became a son to me. The little guy is ten now, (going on eleven in August), and despite the fact that he is growing up, he never ceases to make me laugh from time to time.

Just yesterday I had a chuckle. I noticed an  odour from  the laundry room, and upon my investigation, I found a pair of my son’s underwear lying on the floor, soiled with poop. I confronted my son  on the issue, figuring that maybe he had an accident or failed to wipe properly (kids these days are so busy with chores…hahaha), and I laughed (silently) at his response.

“I didn’t do it, it must have been someone else” he said.

“Someone else crapped your pants and hid them here?” I asked.

“Must have, it surely wasn’t me, I am ten  going on eleven, eleven year old kids don’t crap their pants!” he warned.

“Why would  someone break into our house and crap your underwear?” I joked.

“Not sure, you know people!” he responded.

“Hey, maybe the cat did it! Can’t trust cats you know” he added.

I sent him upstairs to have a bath, explaining that maybe he just didn’t wipe himself well, and that he could be soiling his current  underwear as we spoke.

“I had a bath yesterday. I ain’t having one today. They say that too many baths will dry your skin!” he said.

What is he a dermatologist now? I wondered.

After his bath, he came clean (pun intended)

“I have to admit it, I watched as the cat crapped my underwear, but I found it so funny, I left her do it.” he lied.

“SURE!” I said, unbelieving!

This morning he was outside and he came limping towards the house. Well not really limping, actually dragging his leg  like it was made out  of wood. “I hurt my foot, I can hardly walk!” he said.

“How long was it hurt? When did you do it?” I asked.

“Oh it was sore for almost three months,  ever since June 21!” he said. Today was July 3. “Three months? Your foot was sore for three months, yet you played soccer, ran, rode your bike, and only now you tell me this?” I asked.

“Well, maybe not three months, but at least a week!” he said. Time sure changes once questioned!

I took one look  at his DC joggers (stupid brand name products where you pay more for the logo than for the actual product) and the entire rear section of the shoe is squat down. Apparently he had his shoes tied too tight, and rather than untie the thing, he forced his foot  in anyway. He injured his heel doing so.

“You will have to give your foot a time to heal, maybe stay home today and give your foot a chance to heal.” I said.

“What? Stay home with you and mom? How boring is that?” he said.

“Thanks, we really are boring, aren’t  we?” I said, sarcastically.

“Hey Ted, it’s not your fault, all old people are boring.” he said.

Kids really know how to make a guy feel good!

“But I still love you, even if you guys are old!” he said, almost reviving my ego.

Raising another man’s child certainly has its challenges, but I look  at the situation as his deadbeat father’s loss, and my gain. I love the little guy…even  if he sometimes causes my blood pressure to peak.

4 thoughts on “things kids say part 2

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