Another Friday night, another lonely cab ride home. The bar was packed tonight, it seemed like everyone had someone except for me. For awhile, the night was going great, but once the buzz from the booze began to wear off, reality hit me, and it hit me hard.

I still remember that night, the cab driver had to aim me towards the front door of the house, as I was too drunk to see it on my own. I remember stumbling towards the house and tripping over the front step. Almost broke my damn neck that night.

The next morning wasn’t much better, the hangover had no mercy, and the bump on my head from last night’s fall throbbed along with the headache. I remember uttering those all to familiar words, the same words  I said every Saturday morning. “As long as I live, I will never, and I mean never, drink again” I said the words, but I didn’t believe them.

On a few occasions I got lucky at the bar, but nothing good ever came from those fast and quick ‘relationships’. I was on my way downhill, and I was going fast.

To think that this all started when I turned 26 years old. Prior to that, I had not taken a drink in my life. But at 26, I was just over a major marriage breakup, a difficult court battle, and two years of emotional abuse by the most heartless woman a young man could have ever married. I was a train wreck running out of track.

My life continued this way throughout the 90’s. I can honestly sit here and say that that entire decade remains cloudy in my mind. Ten years of this kind of living is enough to take away any future hope, but I am happy to say that I did find a light at the end of the tunnel.

When my doctor told me that I had a tumor that could be cancer, I immediately stopped pitying myself, I pulled up my trousers, and grew up. When it turned out to be benign, I took a deep breath and looked towards the future.

If someone had approached me in my drunken stupor, back when I saw no light, and told me that when I turned 50 years old, I would be getting ready to marry a beautiful 29 year old woman who loves me all to pieces, I would have told the guy that he was crazy. If he had added that I would be the step father to a bright 10 year old boy who loved me like a father, I would have sent the guy running, mostly for lying to me and giving me false hope. If that same guy would say that I am sitting here on this day, telling this story, I would tell the guy to see a shrink.

I am truly glad that things changed, and I would be even more grateful if someone who has given up on all hope of meeting the right person would read my story, and believe in the power of love.

One thought on “HOPE

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