Happy early Valentine’s Day

Since local stores choose to play Christmas music immediately after removing Halloween merchandise from their shelves, I have decided to celebrate a holiday in which both myself and my lady both hate…Valentine’s Day.

When I was a kid, Valentines day was an embarrassing day in which the class’ ugliest girl gave unsuspecting and very handsome boys like me a valentine. Not only did they give us a card with a heart on it, but they expected a kiss and a card in return. I still nightmare at the thought of Titless Trudy and her barrage of homely friends flocking around my little wooden desk, all holding little home made valentines cards filled with hearts; lips waiting for me to kiss them. YUCK! In grade 5, the last thing a guy wanted to do was to kiss a girl, especially ones who smoked. (that’s right, in my time, grade 5 girls smoked). Yuck!

And then there was the drawing for Valentine King and Queen. The kids who received the most valentines were chosen to be King and Queen, and we all knew that fat Bernie George would win again this year. Not because he was vastly popular, but because he and his bullied buddies would be spending the last two weeks before Valentines day making cards and addressing them to Bernie, complete with fake names of fake girls. That guy couldn’t get a date even if he had to get a date off a calender.

Of course the same girl won Valentine Queen each year as well. This wasn’t because Bernie made her fake cards, or because she made them either. It was probably because I made her far too many cards. Despite not liking kissing, I would be ready and anxious for my first kiss to be on the hot red lips of Emily. But that didn’t happen. I had a crush on her since kindergarten, and unknown to her, I would have killed for a date. That didn’t happen. I ran into her a few years after graduation. A few of us were out drinking, and I, being way too drunk and way too bold, approached Emily and revealed to her that I have been lusting for her since I was a kid (I actually used the word ‘Lust’). If I wasn’t drunk, I would have died from embarrassment, but after her response, I was floored to the point that I sobered up in front of the gal. “I didn’t know you liked me, I always liked you too, and often I waited for you to ask me out” she said, and it felt like a Bazooka hit me square in the heart. Of course this day was Valentines Day!

My missus isn’t too fond of the day either. Despite being a beautiful woman today, and being a beautiful child (according to her mom and a few family pictures), she lacked the confidence she needed to compete with other girls in her school years. Because of her lack of confidence, she was often bullied, and never picked for Valentines Day Queen. She will always be MY Valentines Day (and every other day of the year) Queen though.

So around the house today, rather than the too much played Xmas music, you will be hearing romantic music. I have the entire house decorated in balloons, mostly red, and a beautiful valentines day card and a box of candy waiting for my girl when she gets off work. Who needs New Years Eve parties when you can celebrate valentines day on December 31, 2012?


To all out there, a Very Merry Valentines Day

image courtesy of http://www.google.ca/imgres?hl=en&client=firefox-a&sa=X&tbo=d&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1366&bih=638&tbm=isch&tbnid=2iiTKJpHjShfbM:&imgrefurl=http://rx-one.org/happy-valentines-day-prx-one/&docid=8pnYSCn-Nv800M&imgurl=http://rx-one.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Happy-Valentines-Day-19.jpg&w=1024&h=768&ei=LOThUMSQJcSmqgHnvIHwBA&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=676&sig=114394397029303400663&page=1&tbnh=139&tbnw=184&start=0&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:13,s:0,i:193&tx=103&ty=63
image courtesy of http://www.google.ca/imgres?hl=en&client=firefox-a&sa=X&tbo=d&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1366&bih=638&tbm=isch&tbnid=2iiTKJpHjShfbM:&imgrefurl=http://rx-one.org/happy-valentines-day-prx-one/&docid=8pnYSCn-Nv800M&imgurl=http://rx-one.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Happy-Valentines-Day-19.jpg&w=1024&h=768&ei=LOThUMSQJcSmqgHnvIHwBA&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=676&sig=114394397029303400663&page=1&tbnh=139&tbnw=184&start=0&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:13,s:0,i:193&tx=103&ty=63

2 thoughts on “Happy early Valentine’s Day

  1. Shimoniac and I each posted a bitch about the over-commercialization of the year end, without knowing the other was also doing one. That nut didn’t fall far from the tree. Some of the Christmas junk is still up, and the Valentines Day candy and cards are out. A sci-fi book from 1952 called The Space Merchants predicted this.

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