Too Stun for Words

Everyone has an uncle like my Uncle Den. The one who isn’t too bright.

One evening Den was complaining at his wife. He did that a lot. On this particular occasion, he was complaining because Aunt Eleanor left her clothesline up and it was winter.

“Someone is gonna strangle themselves on that line” he complained. Eleanor ignored him until she couldn’t ignore him any longer. “Go to sleep, I will fix it later!” she said. Since my Uncle Den is one lazy SOB, she ended up doing most of the work around the house. He dozed off to sleep on the couch in the living room. When Eleanor had all the vegetables peeled for supper, she grabbed a plastic salt beef bucket and went outside. She tied the handle of the bucket to the clothesline and went back in the house.

Later that day, the snow changed to rain, and through the night, back to heavy snow. Of course we all know that the bucket filled with rain water, and then froze. Uncle Den got up bright and early to go for a snowmobile ride when she heard it. KABAM. It was almost as if she could hear it from the kitchen. When she rushed outside she found Den lying face down in the snow bank, the snowmobile had gone on without him and crashed into the car. Den’s head was bleeding, and the beef bucket was cracked in half. A big beef bucket shaped piece of ice lay next to Den’s head. When he came to, the only words he could utter were “Stupid Woman! Who puts a bucket on a clothesline in winter? Who is that dumb?”

Eleanor was quick to answer this one. “A woman who is married to a lazy Son of a Bitch who spends too much time lying around the house and not enough time out looking for a job. A woman who is married to a man so stupid that he runs into a red plastic beef bucket hanging on the clothesline, that’s who!”

They got along like that! Ah Marriage!


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