Canada Vs US of A

Being a Canadian has its perks. For one, we don’t go around pledging allegiance to the flag. We don’t have to know how many stars or how many stripes, or why they are there. We have a leaf. A simple maple leaf.

What does the leaf mean? I guess it means that we believe in composting and in preserving nature. Ya, that’s it! We are environmental…or maybe we are just mental. Who knows.

We don’t go around singing tunes like ‘God Bless Canada’, We don’t know when or if we ever  signed some sort of declaration of independence, and sure don’t rally for the right to bear arms. The only time a Canadian arms himself is during Moose Hunting Season, and that is only to put food on our table. We simply have better things to do, like make bacon!

What is this about Canadian bacon? On my frying pan, it’s called ‘Frying Ham’. Bacon is salted pork back that we fry with eggs, nuff said.

Hockey was our national sport, until the US of A got involved. Remember the glowing puck? An American invention that only lasted a few annoying years. Hockey used to be a game where men were men and a stick in the face was a friendly gesture amongst friends. Now players (if you can call them that) are afraid to remove the gloves, and hockey police arrest players for doing their job, which is to win despite playing with your head nearly falling off. Superstars of today? They would have been killed in the old days. In order to be a superstar in the old days, you had to be able to bring it, and fight for it, like Gordie Howe, the dirtiest player on the ice, and a superstar to boot. Same for the Rocket. And those salaries today? I blame rich hockey team owners in the US of A for making money more important than hockey. Now we don’t even have a hockey season because of this greed!

On the other hand, Canada has always been at peace with the US of A. We know a ton about your legal system (thanks to television programs like Law and Order, etc) perhaps more than we know about our own legal system ( Canadian TV is boring and nobody watches it), we identify with Hollywood, (again thanks to the sucky Canadian ‘movies’) and we know that if it is ever required, we can reach out a hand and our big brother on the other side of the border will come to our least we hope so!

So without further adieu, lets all join hands and sing the national anthem of Canada:

God Bless Canada

With our bacon and our beef

where you can safely walk the streets at night

not to worry about a thief

and if you see one, you better be able to run

because in Canada, you are not allowed to own a gun.

Our national bird is no eagle, instead it is a goose

and it tastes great in a pot, cooked with some fresh moose

So lets stand on guard for Canada, with our hands up to our chest

as we salute Canada, because you are the best.

as we salute Canada, because you are the best.

7 thoughts on “Canada Vs US of A

  1. There was one weird moment in your history when you guys came down and invaded Detroit with plans of taking it over. What were you thinking? Luckily you changed your minds left it to the U.S..

    BTW: We still celebrate your invasion every year with your soldiers martching over the Windsor Bridge and then having some wierd rubber ducky pond race.

    Ok. Now I’m in the mood for a Molson Ice.

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