A number of years ago, my friends and I used to gather at a friends house to play crib. My friend’s father Maurice was a total pig. Whenever we began playing crib and he began to lose, he would strain until he farted, distracting us long enough so that he could cheat. Let me tell you, this guy wasn’t very big, but boy, did he stink.
Maurice, a tiny stature of a man was also a very greedy person. If you brought snacks for everyone, he would first eat his bar, and then go on to eat everyone else’s as well.
One night, I decided to put an end to this behavior. I noticed that he especially liked Jersey Milk bars. Using this information, I dropped by the local pharmacy and picked up four packages of Ex-Lax. Ex-Lax is a chocolate flavored laxative that looks exactly like a Jersey Milk bar, except that it had different side effects….if you get my drift. I also bought four Jersey Milk bars, and carefully opening each package, I discarded the chocolate bars, (well actually I didn’t discard them, I ate them) and replaced them with the laxatives.
On the night of the card game, my gag worked like a charm….a very stinky charm. I gave each of the card players their own Jersey Milk (Laxative) bar and we began playing cards. Maurice was quick to thank me for bringing the bars, but complained that I only bought four. When he finished his, mine was the first one he ate, followed by the other three.
When he began to lose the game, he began his nightly trick of straining to fart. This time, he didn’t actually fart, he crapped his pants. Although if smelled like a pig farm at that table, we all laughed. Maurice quickly ran toward the bathroom, but the four bars of laxative were just too much for him. He didn’t quite make it. The rest of the night, the game went fantastic, especially due to the fact that Maurice spent the remainder of the evening on the toilet.
He never tried those antics again, but we always laugh when we talk about that night when Maurice crapped his pants.