Damn sea monkeys…and x-ray glasses


We spent weeks building our zoo. Popsicle sticks soaking in waterproof paint didn’t smell very good, but it would be worth it once the Sea Monkeys arrived.  Ricky and I carefully crafted little cages out of the popsicle sticks, and when they were done, we were anxious to put them into the big aquarium our uncle gave us, the future home for our newest pets.

Ricky had been staring at the comic book the entire day.  He couldn’t wait to choose which one of the cute little monkeys he would call his. He already had a name picked out, Rocky, after the little squirrel in the Bullwinkle comics. I am not sure what a squirrel and a Sea Monkey had in common, but he was sure anxious.

The mailman arrived early the next day, and sure enough, he had our package. We actually expected a much larger package, and we were even more amazed when we found only two small packets of stuff in the box. The first box instructed us to drop the contents into water and wait one day. We did exactly as the package said, even though we wanted to start watching the little monkeys playing right away. The next morning, Ricky was at my door early, even earlier than I thought, Hell, we weren’t even up out of bed yet. We poured the package contents into the aquarium, and watched as the miracle unfolded in front of us….we waited…we watched….we shook the package to make sure the monkeys weren’t in the bag.

I remember looking into the tank and noticing a few tiny bug like creatures floating to the top of the tank. “They sent us Sea Monkey food” Ricky hollered. After reading the package, I knew the wool was pulled over our eyes when the package ingredients listed Brine Shrimp as the only thing in the package. We paid $1 for the Sea Monkeys brine shrimp, and $50 in aquarium supplies, only to find that they sent us dead shrimp! We were taken for a ride.

The thing about being kids is that lessons are difficult to learn. About a month after the Sea Monkey fiasco, Ricky and I ordered the coolest thing, X-ray glasses. The ad in the back of the Superman comic claimed that you could see right through clothes with these glasses. The first thing that came into our minds was Miss Jane, our sexy math teacher who used to wear the short skirts. Hey, we were in grade five, and by then, we guys noticed things. Things like the sexy legs of our teacher, well at least that is what we overheard the gym teacher discussing with our school janitor one day.

When the glasses arrived we couldn’t wait to go to school. All the guys in the class waited for their turn to have a look at Miss Jane, but this wouldn’t happen. The glasses didn’t work. Some genius figured that by painting a skeleton on each lens, it would give the effect of seeing not only through clothing, but through skin as well. There we were, gawking at Miss Jane’s legs, hoping to see whatever the gym teacher and the school janitor were drooling over, and all we could see was a close up of a cartoon like skeleton. Bummer!

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