Those things we do sometimes

While working at a call center (a position I am not proud of), we had a secret Santa gift drive. With Secret Santa, you draw names from a hat, and you have to buy that person a Christmas gift. Well, as luck would have it, I drew the name of my boss, a bitchy, cranky woman whose goal every day was to make life miserable for me and everyone else who crossed her path. After deep thoughts about what to buy her, I decided upon purchasing her an eighteen inch dildo. Not just any eighteen inch dildo, but one that pulsated to the beat of whatever tune was pre-programmed into the device. I chose to use the tune “The Bitch is Back” by Elton John.

On the night were the staff gathered to open gifts, Ex Boss pushed everyone aside to say that since she was boss, she would open her gift first. Hell, she even had the local newspaper guy in attendance, to take her picture with her gift. She proudly stated that if a staff member bought the boss a gift, it had better be something that she could use. “It better be something that her husband cannot give her” she said, and “it better be something that would make every woman in the room crave with jealousy when they see it”…..You should have seen her face when she opened her gift. I made sure that my name was printed on the label for all to see. This was the first time in my two short years working with the company that she ever closed her mouth. Upon opening the gift, the music played loudly, and the eighteen incher danced to the tune of “The Bitch is Back”….

The next day, instead of going to work, I chose to stay home and check the want ads. When I finally arrived at work, ex boss met me at the door, and despite her red blushing face, she rewarded with a big hug and said that my gift was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her. She said that her husband was jealous…I wonder if he was jealous that I bought her an eighteen inch dildo, or if he was jealous OF the eighteen inch dildo….just saying…

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4 thoughts on “Those things we do sometimes

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